I have reached the pre-activation anxiety stage. Been here for a couple of days really, but have mostly been able to ignore it. All the different possibilities and stories I’ve heard really mean nothing in the end. My experience is going to be unique to me, and since I’m a planner, that’s really hard for me to grasp.
I’ve always been a big fan of music. Sometimes bordering on obsession. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was sing. I still love to sing, but it’s something I do for me now rather than for an audience. This isn’t about that though, this is about listening.
With my cochlear implant in one ear and my trusty hearing aid in the other, I will have what is known as “bimodal” hearing. I’ll be getting a new hearing aid, the Phonak Naida Link, as part of my implant package – which essentially means that I’m getting a new hearing aid covered by insurance! The Link is the important piece of my new bimodal solution because of the amazing, brand new technology it offers.
“Imagine yourself in a room with just a few close friends you love, talking and laughing. The conversation is quick and animated. It is too swift for you to follow on their lips, too difficult for you to understand – because you are deaf. You sit in their midst with a frozen smile on your face, your cheeks aching, afraid to break the warm mood by telling them you are unable to understand. Your heart tightens and aches too. You feel angry that you are once again shut out, angry at yourself for being deaf, and at the world for expecting you not to be.. Then, imagine another day, when you have a device implanted deep within your ear to help you to hear. Imagine that with it, you hear words and phrases in the air without looking for them on people’s lips. You understand – not everything, but enough to feel a part of the group. You hear birds that were once silent, music that was once noise. Your cheeks thaw. Your heart opens up. Your anger melts, and you feel a sense of grace.” – Beverly Biderman, Wired for Sound
So apparently I’m pretty weak right now, because all I want is sleep, sleep, and more sleep. Which I’m told is to be expected. The thing is, I am an insomniac normally – I usually get less than 6 hours of quality sleep a night. So if I sleep during the day, I wake up at 3 or 4 am and am awake for hours (I should just get up and do something, but I rarely do, instead choosing to lie there and wonder why I can’t sleep).