I have reached the pre-activation anxiety stage. Been here for a couple of days really, but have mostly been able to ignore it. All the different possibilities and stories I’ve heard really mean nothing in the end. My experience is going to be unique to me, and since I’m a planner, that’s really hard for me to grasp.

Fear: I will get activated and hear nothing. My ear just won’t work and there’s nothing the implant can do for me.

Fear: The activation will work but I won’t ever take to it and hear well with it. Additional fear is that this will happen and it will change my hearing and brain patterns enough that I won’t be able to go back to what I have now.

Hope: “Rock star” activation. Being able to understand speech right away. Little to no adjustment period needed.

Hope: Hearing and understanding easily without being super tired from working really hard at it.

Reality: Will probably be somewhere between all of these things.

I’ve been told during this whole process to not have too high of expectations, and I don’t think I do. But that doesn’t stop the hope, any more than I can stop the fear. Neither are probably likely scenarios, but I’m human, so the “what ifs” are always going to be there.

Just got to make it through 24 more hours without worrying too much about it. Unfortunately, I know myself and know that it’s going to be on my mind all day long…